One little word, so much power.
Why does this small word have so much power? Let’s look at how we use it and why our children do as well. NO. The word many of us dread to hear from our children and the word that so easily slips off our tongue when we are tired, distracted and under stress. This little word can be the cause of much unhappiness. Our children learn to use it because we do.
When babies and toddlers are starting their language journey they have been listening for a long time. They start to understand and then repeat the words they hear often. Very importantly they learn to repeat these sounds and words with the same emphasis and tone. Have you ever stopped and realised that something you just said sounds like your mother or father?
The word no is simple, one syllable and effective. As babies and toddlers start to assert their independence they learn that language is one of the many tools to use for this purpose. When used by babies and toddlers this one syllable can convey a need or want. It’s an immediate response to a situation or request where they may not yet have sufficiently developed language skills to use for the purpose. It is easy as an adult to over react to their use of the word no. It may help if instead we think about the need of babies and toddlers to practice skills over a long time before they are competent and proficient- and so with the word no.
When used by adults the word no can be a warning of danger, a protection and a control. It can save and it can help, it can set boundaries, it can be playful and it can be demanding. It can be submissive and it can be controlling. As adults we care and nurture, influence and support, respect, teach and guide our children but we do not have control over them. It pays to be mindful of using controlling and demanding language when talking with your children. Is your language demanding? Controlling?
Let’s look at an example of the power of a respectful request versus the power of a demand.
“Sunny, please come and sit here and eat your meal.”
“Sunny, get down and eat this now.”
Which one would you rather hear?
Food for thought ………..
Mary Digges *
Early Childhood Consultant for Angsana Education.
* Mary Digges is an early childhood teacher, lecturer, trainer, assessor and consultant in education and has long promoted bilingual and multilingual education. Mary has worked in Australia, Singapore and China.
Now, the use of the word NO with older children? – That’s another article. Until then you may be interested in further reading from these references.
Laura Markham, Child Psychologist, UK.
Dr Randy Cale, Psychologist, US
Raising Children, Australia: Building positive relationships with children